furniture

APK is an all-

around design agency.

WE DO NOT MANUFACTURE SOFAS OR

OCCASIONAL TABLES FOR B&Q OR THE

RANGE!

Formed by Andy Keeling in 2001 following spells working in Architecture and development, APK have continued to provide architectural services, photography and web design to a number of highly respected companies. We get frequent calls asking why something hasn’t been delivered from B&Q or The Range so have had to resort to the following email to B&Q and copied to the Range in order: Dear Sirs, My company is APK Design Web Site Design by APK, websites, Oak frame design, Photography and Architectural design at affordable prices. You appear to be giving out my telephone number to your customers when they call to complain that the furniture they've ordered from you hasn't arrived. I get around five calls a day from people complaining I haven't delivered their sofa. I DO NOT MANUFACTURE FURNITURE FOR YOU TO SELL! I have been designing websites and Oak Frame Buildings since 2003 and I understand that APK DESIGN LTD, a new company formed in 2023 in West Bromwich does indeed manufacture items for both you and The Range and I appreciate that they have made it very difficult to find a telephone number to contact them as do both you and the Range on your websites as you would rather your customers go round and round in circles trying to find one before hoping they'll give up and try talking to your chatbot which will make it equally difficult to find out where their sofa is. It is VERY lazy of both you and the Range to look online and then give out the first telephone number you find without even calling it to find out if it is the correct number - VERY LAZY! It took me around half an hour to find the correct number - see, it's not that difficult and I'm currently very pleasant to your customers in giving them the correct number to call so they can speak to the Owner of APK Design LTD although he has told me not to give the number out to machinists looking for a job as he uses some job website for that. I need you to remove my number from your databases and tell all your employees not to give my number out. I want you to let me know when you have done this so that I can monitor the number of calls I then receive. If this doesn't happen, expect me to be putting in a claim for expenses for acting as your receptionist - I don't work for free. If you can't be bothered, my only alternative will be to ask your customers for payment before I find out for them when their item is to be delivered which I suspect won't do your reputation much good. I could just tell them that the company has gone into administration and their sofa has been given to one of my family members instead which would no doubt amuse me with the various reactions I might get although it may not stop the calls so that may not be my preferred course of action - yet. To make it easy for you, the telephone number for APK Design Ltd in West Bromwich is 07985 797310 although he may change that if he has to speak to as many of your customers as I do as it can get quite tiring when I'm trying to get on with my own work. Pleas let me know when you have actioned this. Kind regards Andrew Philip Keeling (APK) If you’re still trying to find out where your sofa is then you can pay us £100 and we’ll drive round to West Brom and try to find out what’s happened to it - seems fair to us! We also don’t do duvets. ********************** B&Q chose to reply to our email, The Range decided to ignore it. B&Q’s response: Good day, Thank you for your email received. We sincerely apologise for any inconvenience caused. Please be advised that for items purchased from third-party sellers, we are unable to provide direct contact details for the seller, as these are not available to us. As part of our process, we communicate with sellers through the Mirakl platform. However, you are also welcome to contact the Merchants Support directly regarding this issue. Unfortunately, we are unable to assist further from our side. Thank you so much for your understanding and patience. Yours sincerely, Sisipho. Customer Care Team. Tel: 03330 143357

THIS IS A BLATANT LIE

We have been informed on more than one occasion that B&Q’s helpline have given out our number, we’ve tried to test it ourselves but the helpline won’t discuss with us without an order number but we’ve not ordered anything so don’t have one. THEY gave us the email address saying the Customer Care Team would sort it. The Customer Care Team who seem to be from Sisipho (whoever they may be) are clearly blaming Mirakl (whoever they may be) and suggest we contact them without giving us contact details and an unnamed sign off leaving a telephone number which will no doubt send us to an Ai chatbot which will eventually send us to the same place we started when we first called them. This is typical of modern day big companies that do away with support staff and rely on automated systems so they don’t have to deal with the general public - the very people who keep them in business. What they don’t know is we are also part of a large property development company who frequently use their stores and our Chairman once played golf with their CEO - Sadly he will no longer be CEO as that was some time ago but it’s safe to say they will no longer be getting any business from us and neither will the Range as we have no need for cheap poorly made products.

THE RANGE update

We finally had a response from The Range after more than a month presumably as they felt the need to get their Legal General Counsel involved ready to put us in prison for daring to moan at them. They also said “not me gov” and blamed their customers for being stupid. Nobody from their company would ever, ever dare to help their customers and go on the internet to search for a contact number for them as it’s really, really against their company rules to give anybodies number out, including their own. They warned us that we might face legal implications if we do anything against the law which probably includes drugs and throwing stones at policemen (or knocking their hats off if they still wear them - we don’’t know, like David Lammy we haven’t seen one for years) so we’ve decided to walk to the pub later rather than risk taking the car now the Range have gone legal and are probably having us watched. We’ll keep any eye out (not take an eye out) for anyone with a long lens hiding in the bushes on the way to the pub. We have replied with our very technical legal response. ********************************* Yeah, yeah, yeah I had the same reply off B&Q (albeit a lot quicker than you) despite many of your customers telling me they were given the number by you. I'm interested to note that you think your customers are liars and that they already know that an item they purchased from The Range is actually manufactured not by you but by a third party called APK Design Ltd and they then search for that company. If I decide to start charging your customers, it will be for the service I provide in finding the number for them (not for your furniture) but I shall be open and honest with them what I am charging for - I won't leave them stranded with not knowing when they will receive the service they paid for. I have noted your request to think before printing your email and have decided not to print it. If you were that concerned about saving the trees perhaps you shouldn't cut them down to make your furniture and then we would both be happy. You'd be happy for the trees and I'd be happy not to receive any more phone calls from your customers. I've only had one call today and I helped them by giving them APK Design Ltd's number without charging them a penny. I've probably broken some European law about data protection but I'm a bit of a risk taker so I'll fight them off on the beaches (and the landing grounds). Kindest regards Andy